Core Beliefs - Chapter 17 - Saying Goodbye

Core Beliefs – Chapter 17 - Saying goodbye

Matt went home from the hospital on Saturday afternoon, January 5th. His mind still stumbled over the crazy idea that old memories could rip a body apart, but deep inside, he knew he was on his second life.

For the next few days, Joe and Cynthia watched over him, with frequent visits from Chris and Charlotte.

***

The Monday after his release, Joe took Matt for a drive. They visited many of the places that held fond memories of Marilyn and Elizabeth. Gradually, Matt dealt with his fear of seeing these places and the things that reminded him of his girls.

***

On Wednesday, Joe and Cynthia took Matt, at his request, to the cemetery. Chris and Charlotte were there waiting.

It was probably the bravest thing Matt had ever done. They gathered at the headstones.

“Looks like they’ve been well cared for.” Matt’s voice quivered as he stood at the foot of the graves, “and the grounds groomed.”

Matt asked, “Can I have some time alone?”

The others moved away so that he had the privacy he wanted.

He gazed at both headstones and started whispering, “I miss you both so very much. My life has been empty without you. I’m sorry I never came to see you.”

He felt the tears trace his cheeks, and both of his hands shook.

“I’ll never forget you, but I have to move on,” Matt sighed.

That wasn’t what he really wanted to say. Matt felt like he had uttered a cliché when, in his soul, there was something real trying to get out.

“I will never stop loving you. I’m ashamed of how I turned my back on you both all these years.”

The hurt poured up through his heart and mind as memories of his life with his wife and child, his two loves, flooded back. So many moments in their lives bubbled from the depths of Matt’s being including the memory he dreaded most!

“All shattered by a damn drunk driver!” Matt hissed.

Anger surged. His hands clenched hard, the muscles in his shoulders and forearms aching from the intensity as muscles constricted.

Once more Matt heard the voice of the policeman who had knocked on his door that afternoon echoing in his mind. The face of the officer as he told him about the accident.

The pain of that moment brought more tears. The remembrance of the last service. Matt had stood on this very spot for the burial. He remembered wanting to crawl away and hide.

“It hurts so damn bad.” Matt hung his head and wept.

“Please forgive me,” poured from his lips and soul.

A cool breeze brushed gently against his face, accompanied by the sound breezes make as they swish through trees, pulling him back to the present. If he didn’t know better, he would have thought there was a gentle voice in the wind, a comforting, caring voice whispering to him, “You’re not alone.” Another puff of air tingling across his cheeks and eyes, “Be free.” 

He knelt at the foot of the two graves and placed a hand on each. There he remained for a long time before he spoke.

“I promise I will do everything in my power to make you proud. You each have been the greatest joy in my life and are my inspiration. I love you so much, but now,” Matt paused, sensations racing over and through his body. “I will release you to rest. Be at peace, and grant that I may be as well.”

Matt shuddered. Something changed inside his being; it was as if he had reconnected with his soul, and in that moment, he knew he could live again—not just go through the motions, but truly live.

***

As he rose and walked toward the others, Charlotte noticed he was more upright and there was a calm on his face, an inner reflection. She hoped and prayed that he had really started the process of healing.

***

Joe and Cynthia were going to stay at least through the weekend.

Charlotte and Chris came over on Sunday and were surprised to find Matt, Joe, and Cynthia sorting through Marylyn and Elizabeth’s clothes and other belongings.

Joe chirped; it was Matt’s idea, and they all chipped in. Certain items triggered memories, and Matt would talk about the events surrounding each. Charlotte watched and listened as the clothes were sorted and packed carefully into bags for the charity store.

Matt found a portrait of Marilyn and Elizabeth in a closet, along with a stack of other framed pictures.

“I know where to put this,” Matt said.

He carried the photo to his study, removed a business awards plaque, and carefully hung the picture.

“I know you’re watching over me,” he whispered as he stepped back.

***

On Monday morning, Chris brought the pickup truck over. Joe, Matt, and Chris loaded everything into the truck. Chris and Matt drove it to a charity thrift store and unloaded it for the attendant. As they went through the process, Chris could see that Matt was not hesitating and seemed relieved that this was happening.

They arrived back at the house to find Joe and Cynthia mostly packed. The two were ready to head back to Kansas City.

“Call when you get home,” Matt said while fiercely hugging Joe. “I need to know you’ve made it safely.”

After Joe and Cynthia left, Chris and Matt sat in his study and sipped at a couple of beers.

“What now?” Chris asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Do you still feel that what we are doing in the silo is what you want to do?”

Matt thought it over for a moment. “Chris, I made a promise to my wife and daughter that I was going to do everything I could to make them proud and to be the best man I could. More now than ever, I believe we made the right choice, and more now than ever, I am determined to see this thing through.”

“I meant no disrespect,” Chris said, “just making sure we’re on the same page. By the way, Charlotte and I are finalizing plans to move to Wichita and will probably start in two weeks.”

Matt paused in doubt. He realized that for things to go forward, this was essential. A sense of loneliness eased up inside. He had come to depend on this family for nourishment for his soul. It took a few minutes, but he resolved that distance would not prevent him from caring for them and keeping them as part of his life.

“Chris, I’ll help in any way I can,” Matt said.

***

On Tuesday, January 15th, Matt was up early and arrived at Lasticorp long before 8:00 a.m. Lucy’s expression when she spotted him behind his desk was priceless.

He looked at her and, with a chuckle, said, “No, I’m not crazy, and I am much better, thank you very much.”

She giggled, and Matt sensed happy emotions bubbling through her. It was good to be back.

“Lucy, will you let the other companies know that I’m going to be dropping by during the week? I need to let everyone know how much I appreciate the support I received these past two weeks.”

“I can do that, Sir.”

“See if Martha can spare a few minutes when she gets in. I think it’s time we took a look at our medical benefits for mental health coverage.”

“Yes, sir, I will do that.”

Matt almost felt the happy energy radiating from Lucy. He needed to do something special for her. She had been a rock and a confidant for so many years.

‘You needed to do something.’ Matt affirmed his gut was steering him straight.

The desire to care about and for others was something he’d lost, and now, Matthew Lehman embraced connection and the truth that being whole meant being vulnerable.

At about 10:00 a.m., he called Marcus Corush and asked if he might be available for lunch. He was, and they met at a steakhouse. Matt asked Marcus about his family. He had decided to learn more about his people than just how good they were at business.

For the next two weeks, he made the rounds, often taking people to lunch and learning more than he ever dreamed. He discovered times when employees and staff had gone way beyond what one should expect to make sure that deliveries and timetables were met. They did not want to disappoint Mr. Lehman.

Matt was acquiring a new appreciation for his people and committing himself to do right by them.

***

While Matt was reacquainting himself with his company's, Chris was saying goodbye.

Friday, January 18th, was Chris’s last day at Cor-Digital. Matt made sure to attend. The whole plant turned out to wish Chris a fond farewell.

Matt was not surprised at how popular Chris was with the folks he worked with. He also had the opportunity to meet the man chosen to replace him, a young fellow named Elton Harper. Elton had come from Martin Aerospace and certainly had a ton of qualifications. Matt and he chatted for a while.

“Looks like I’ve got some very big shoes to fill,” Elton told Matt. “Hope I can do it half as well.”

“It’s not all on your shoulders,” Matt said. “You will find help is always available, just ask. This company is more like a big family than a corporation.” Matt patted the man on his shoulder.

“That’s what I like most,” Elton replied. “Plus, I really like the kind of stuff I’m working on.”

Matt felt better about having Elton in the mix and told him to call anytime he needed to talk.

***

Charlotte was up to her ears getting ready for the move. She had arranged for the carpets to be cleaned and several other fix-up items at the Elsberry house.

Charlotte had only glanced at the drawings for the big house a few times, knowing they would have to wait until the family relocated. She found schools for the kids and within walking distance of the Elsberry house.

Movers were contracted, and a day was set to load things up. The big move was on Tuesday, January 22nd.

Everybody had been chipping in, trying to pack before the movers showed up. Matt came over each evening to help box things and safely crate other items for transport.

On a frigid Monday, the 21st, Chris loaded as much in the pickup as it would hold and headed for Wichita. He stopped for lunch with Joe, Cynthia, and Doug. Doug Lehman was going to follow him since he was staying with the Martins. The movers and the rest of the Martin clan arrived in Wichita the next day.

The rest of the week was mayhem as people stumbled over each other trying to find stuff and get it in the right rooms.

Once more Matt dreamed of a world where technology made lives better and peace reigned.